I'm always, always hoping that with prayers my problems will lessen, if not disappear. Instead, they increased. Now my son has enlarged goiter and the doctor says it needs biopsy to see if it's cancerous or not. We're praying it's not. My son complains of pains in the neck and weakening of his body. His health also seems to fail because he gets fevers sometimes.
Picture above by Chunry.
I was hoping that the problems would diminish with prayers and petitions and intercessions for my son. It didn't. Everything is just plain frustration. Why pray when no answer seems coming. I have been praying for my two sons, that they become genuinely born again and become deep in the Word and in their experience of God and serve him. I've been praying since they were babies, and have been doing it daily. As they grew up I prayed for them and excited to see them know the Lord. I was hoping that what God did to me and my wife would be multiplied 10 times in our sons.
Nothing like that happened, and they're now young adults. My oldest son, the one with enlarged goiter, is now 30 and my younger is 24, yet in college with 4 subjects left prior to graduating. They still have no heart for the Lord or his Word. My oldest son's two baby daughters also often get sick. This is why he keeps losing his job. When his babies get sick he has to skip work and take care of them, often lose sleep doing it, and feel weakened the next day. His live-in partner supposedly has heart disease and cannot work or take care of their babies alone by herself. As a result, we often have to help financially, but we're unable.
I have often urged them to get married, and my son likes the idea, but they do not have money even for a simply wedding officiated by a judge for lesser expense. I also suggested a wedding done by a pastor-friend of mine to further lessen the cost. But we don't have money even for that. We're broke, and I wonder why God's promises on provisions in the bible, which I seriously believe, aren't working for us.
My wife and I literally live now on handouts from people around. We're given some groceries now and then and make that last until another bunch of groceries are given us. We look for things to sell and get our cash from that, particularly for paying bills. I try to sell health products online (been doing it for years now) but sales are down. I mean, I made only 2 sales, I think. I keep promoting on FB daily, but organic traffic is unreliable I cannot use FB ads or boosts because my FB account is perpetually banned from ads. A long time ago, when I was new to FB ads, I did a lot of errors FB didn't like.
So, I'm really almost out of options.
Thank God my wife is employed as a school nurse at a grade school a walking distance from us, and it's really a big blessing. Thank GOD for it. We really prayed hard about it and God granted it to her. However, her pay is not enough for us because we pay our big debts gradually which makes her monthly pay almost null. I really have to make money, but being 66, no one will hire me here in Manila, and my only chance is to find a way to make money online.
I love meditating on God's Word and spending quiet times with him. I love it when I see his promises in the bible---and I believe the all---but the thing is, I want to experience them. Where are his promises? He says, I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Where is that? How come I have never had that, and I'm 66. I was born again in 1980 and entered full-time pastorate in 1997.
Nothing.
I thank GOD for the blessings that trickle down to us, but what I want to experience is the plan to prosper me, give me hope and a future. The abundant life he promised.
