A year has passed since my last entry here, and still our son's woes go on, and seem to even have worsened. He still has no job, though he tried several times to apply, but the training cost was too much (specifically the fare which was P1,500 per night) so he ended up skipping some trainings and getting kicked out.
Worse is that two medical centers are after him for failure to pay for hospital bills when his GF delivered, one baby after another, almost just one year in-between. He said he did that for fear of being neglected in public hospitals or other private hospitals. So he opted to put his GF in renowned medical centers, which was foolish, of course. But it's been done and now they're after him.
But he's willing to pay if given a chance to work and pay off the debts in installments he can afford. But the sad thing is, he finds it hard to be employed. His sad, problematic story goes on and my wife and I are so affected by it all. My wife especially. She bears the brunt of stress and pressure trying to look for money to borrow for our son. I keep telling her she should stop, but the heart of a mother seeing his son and grandchildren suffer cannot bear the situation. She sometimes suffers HBP because of it, and it's what worries me. So I'd give in.
I keep asking the Lord to end this epsisode because my wife and I are very tired of it. I believe with all my heart that God can turn things around in an instant and make everything work out right. He can so easily touch my son's heart so he'd be drawn to Jesus, repent, and be genuinely born again. Is not that the work of the Holy Spirit? God can also quickly rescue my son (and us) from our financial woes and move things so that my son gets a good job or livelihoond and be able to pay all his debts. GOD can easily do all these things.
I'm wondering why HE isn't.
I now for a fact that it's HIS will that my son gets saved and born again and pay off all his debts and prosper. Without a doubt, I know it's HIS will. But why isn't HE doing it? Why does it seems that HE's just watching everything and doing nothing? Timing? Isn't this the perfect time to rescue us all?
Now, as a result, I'm planning on stopping my pastorate for a while (or maybe permanently) because my testimony is ruined. It hurts me so much to see my son being like that and becoming rebellious. I know it's all his fault, but aren't we all prone to foolishness and stupidity and sometimes, rebelliousness, especially when we can't understand what's happening and how things are the result of our mistakes?
I see a lot of people around, even church people, doing lots of mistakes and foolishness and rebelliousness (that they're not aware of) but still being blessed by God tremendously. All blessings are by grace and the mercy of God, and not credited to any good work or correct performace. There's no such thing as "correct" performance in God's eyes. Only what Jesus did and does through His obedient servants are correct in God's eyes. And a lot of us (even active church people and those who "plant" many churches) are often guilty of disobedience and falling short of what God expects. But God still blesses many of us, more than usual, only because of his grace and mercy.
Why does God bless them with more than is necessary? Because HE tests their hearts. God keeps testing our hearts. He tests those He gives more than enough, to make them see where their hearts are when it comes to giving up everything they have and giving to the poor. He also tests the hearts of the poor to make them see how far their faith can go even with the temporary lack.
