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And then there's my financial life.
Nothing seems to work for me. I've
enthusiastically tried a lot of livelihoods---from jobs to small
businesses---since I was in college to the present. It's been like this---yes you
have money but your payables keep increasing, overtaking your income. You may think I live extravagantly.
That's farthest from the truth. I've been living a simple life, always trying
to make ends meet.
I learned in life that ends seldom meet, at least not on my end.
But to a lot of people they do.
You see, fact is, I live a very, very simple
life.
Who doesn't need extra cash? All of us
need it these days. I've been praying and working hard for it but everything
seems to get nowhere. At present, the nature of my life limits me to online
jobs. I write for websites which helps me earn some money for my family. But
the money isn't enough and I do this really just to make ends meet while
waiting to get a real breakthrough in what I want to really do online---make
money from my own blogs and e-books---things I love doing.
I believe God gave you talents and a heart
to do something that really has meaning to you, and that this thing should also
be your livelihood. Only by doing this will you discover and develop your true
potentials and fulfill the meaning of life.
I see it happening to a lot of people
around me. But why not to me?
God put the love of writing articles in my
heart since I was in grade school. Since I knew how the Internet worked in
2000, it's been my dream of making a livelihood through the Net. I've been
praying hard for it and really doing my best efforts to achieve it---to no
avail.
Zero. Or almost zero. At least I earn a few pesos.
But I'm not giving up. I go on despite the
discouragements and failures. I've been buying resources on how to get this
done successfully from "success gurus" and taking their advices, and I've
been praying hard for it, too, but nothing's working. I wonder if those who are
successful at this ever actually prayed serious about it? I mean, really
seriously asked God for it and done things according to his Word?
That's what I've been doing and yet,
nothing. Nada. Zero.
But why is it happening to others? Why do
they easily earn a lot online? One even confessed how he makes millions of
money out of selling e-books online when fact is, he doesn't know how to write!
I often get his emails and you wouldn't believe his English grammar. It's like
watching horror movies.
And frankly, I don't believe favor or
success is about ability or intellect or hardwork---although these are
necessary. It's about God's grace and approval---if God does not approve and
bless it, you won't be successful at it, no matter how smart, hardworking or
talented you are.
So, why has God so far not approved of my
livelihood?
So, in the meantime, here I am, writing
for websites on topics I'm not happy about. Stupid topics, in fact. They give
no meaning to my life. I want to be able to focus on my blogs---blogs I love
writing about. It's been like this for years and years (decades actually) and
it's all meaningless---you write about things you think are stupid. It's like
God always gives me what I don't like. Well, except for my wife---I love my wife
so much. She's definitely God-given.
I'm forced to write silly articles for the
money---like a prostitute who sleeps with other men against her will and she
does it only because she needs the money. But an ugly whore at that (sigh).
No kidding---I feel raped when I write
about things I hate writing on.
But don't take me wrong---I still believe
God will make good things happen in my life. And I'll be happier than happy to
write about it here when the day comes.
