You Get What You Never Asked For

I’ve always had mixed feelings about God even as a kid. Sometimes he seems to just watch what’s happening to you. Sometimes he takes active part helping you. Sometimes he seems to let matters get worse. And sometimes he seems to make them worse himself. I ask him why. Then I try to find good reasons why. But he seems to just watch you.

Wouldn’t you help your dog at once if it was hurt? Wouldn’t you do everything to relieve its pain because you love your dog? I hope God would do the same. Dogs just have to look pitiful and dog lovers would at once do everything to help it even without the dogs yelping for help. But God often wouldn’t budge even if you badly need help. He’d just watch.

My wife has thalassemia. I think its mild thalassemia, thank God. They say it’s inherited from a parent, probably her dad. Her mom died of leukemia, her dad has blood cell problems. Since my wife has been feeling weak at times and dizzy I’ve been praying for her. We’ve been believing for healing, and we really believe God’s Word and almighty power with all our hearts. And my wife takes purple corn juice regularly. So we expect a miracle by God’s grace. And yet, in her latest blood test, her hemoglobin is below normal—9point something. It looks like she’ll have to be injected twice a month with a serum for blood production stimulation, and that’s P2,500 per shot. Why? What’s that for? Are we being punished? For what? Is it for teaching us something? Why not just teach it? Why must someone suffer?

I know that my questions would all melt away once God speaks to me, like what happened to Job’s questions when he heard God speak to him directly. But as for now, I ask why. I need to have all these negative things taken out of our lives. I still have faith in God that he has the best for us.

After all our faith in God, God seems to just watch us. If it’s about a meek heart or righteousness, I don’t think those are issues for us. I and my wife have been meek to the point of being abused and subservient, keeping quiet even if we’re in the right. People who worship money are often arrogant to us and yet God seems to even bless them.

On righteousness, by God’s grace and in Jesus’ Name we stand righteous. We know this too well. And we use this grace to say no to unrighteousness. And yet, God seems to just stand there and watch. I want to see him do something immediately, especially heal my dear wife pronto. What does it really take to make him do something? I don’t want people talking to me about faith because I’m pretty sure it’s not what we lack—although I’ll be listening. I’m good at listening. When God doled out on mankind the talent for listening, I got lots of it.

I’m more inclined to think of God as very ready to relieve us of sickness (not necessarily pain because pain increases endurance and patience) because he loves us. I do everything I can to have my son get the medical treatment my money can afford because I love him. I’d do it at once. I won’t just stand there and watch him get sick. I’d act pronto. What more of God? His love has no equal. I can never outdo his love. But why does it seem to take forever to have most of our prayers answered?

If you loaned money from a payday loan, you can expect to get it right after you apply for it. You can count on it. But if you asked God for money, you might never get it. That’s why people have faith in loans more than in God. They can count on the loan to come at the expected time. Of course, the loan you get is also God’s answer, but then, does God answer you with a loan you would have to pay back for later? You ask God for money and he gives you a loan?

I’m prone to think more of God providing for money from a fish’s mouth, the first fish your disciple catches from the lake, like how God provided money to Jesus, not through a loan. God rained down manna from heaven to feed the Israelites in the wilderness, not a loan. Can you imagine God raining down loans? His provision is the best. Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father of the heavenly lights. So, I wouldn’t take loans for an answer. I want God to answer my prayers as he did in the Word. I want best answers. I want total healing for my wife, and it’s not a demand because I have no right to demand from God. It’s what faith is all about, the expectation that naturally derives from how God manifests himself in the bible. God shows himself all powerful and awesome so I expect no less. To expect less is sin. But how come it doesn’t happen? Where is the healing?

And there’s my eldest son. I’ve been asking God to spare him from acnes. I’ve suffered enough from it, I lost my teenage and college life because of it, so I’ve been asking God not to let the same thing happen to any of my sons. But there’s my eldest, suffering from it, having to undergo that silly daily and nightly ritual of applying complicated acne lotions—and I hate the smell of it. I so pity him. I thank God that my son’s acne isn’t as severe as what I had, but the point is, I expect the best result from God. I expect no acne, zero acne for my son because that’s exactly what I asked for. I never asked God to allow my son just a mild acne problem. I NEVER asked that. I asked him NO ACNE. That’s what my faith expects. But how come my son still has acnes?

You get what you never asked for.

But I still believe that God has the best things for us. Fact is, God wants to give us the very kingdom, and he gives us even his own Holy Spirit, what more these small things? I just cling to this faith no matter what.