Why do I get deep revelations in the Word and then not have ALL of them happen in my life? I want all! I believe what the Word says that, "All things are yours...whether on earth or in heaven.." I really believe that with all my heart! I praise God for the wonderful insights I get from meditating Scriptures, things most people don't see in the Word, even most ministers and bible "experts." I desire them in my heart and use God's grace to live up to them through the Spirit's power and the Life of Jesus in me, and yet it seems that I wait for them in vain.
I've been praying for things that God shows me in his Word in my Word meditations--awesome supernatural things that only God himself would understand--and I always get excited at the thought of having them happen in my life and ministry. But only a certain percentage of them happens. I want them all to happen--why else would God let me into it? When God lets me have a peep and then it does not happen even while I pray for them to, it frustrates me so much. I wanna have them happen right now.
I know God has a right timing for everything--but I'm 51. I've been praying for these things since 1998--in fact even since I was a new believer. God has been giving me inklings of things to come and things that ought to even when I was yet a new born again Christian. And yet so few of them came to pass. Why give me these things and then deprive me of them like candy deprived from a kid. Of course, I don't treat God's special and secret things like a kid does candy. But I crave to have them for His glory and Kingdom come. God is greatly glorified by the works of his hands.
Then, sometimes I see God do it in some other guy's ministry--the radical signs and wonders--and then I wonder and become more frustrated. Why do I have only a peep or a percentage of its reality in my ministry? Then that's when I hate life again and ask what kind of life is this? At first, I see the guy doing the things God showed me in Scriptures, and He impresses to me that such can only be had by total dedication. So I do that, by his grace. But then I never go beyond the ceiling.
Then, on closer look, I find that the guy doing the signs and wonders does not really live in total dedication. On closer look you'd find the guy to have a lot of spiritual lapses and shortcomings--mostly about meekness and patience and pride. Most guys who operate in signs and wonders have a pride, patience, and meekness problem. Not all, but most of them. If this is the case, then why am I not given the same chance in the same degree to glorify God with His radical and supernatural power? Why am I always just given a taste?
What My Heart Desires
God knows what's in my heart--Jesus and His LIFE and ministry. They're often the only things in my mind. I work and live and hope because of these. I love my wife, family and raise up my kids and send them to school all because of these two--Jesus and His very LIFE and ministry. I wanna have them fully in my life and body. I want Jesus, period. He's the reason why I and my wife are doing a small business. I want the Jesus LIFE and DNA in my body--through the power of the Holy Spirit.
Then I want my wife to get what I've been getting from God, though she's close to getting them already, and I want my sons to have 10 times my anointing, and see them and their would-be wives and children ardently serving the Lord in God's radical Word and ways.
Then I want radical and awesome signs and wonders in my ministry, one that also regularly happens in our home and wherever I am--and I want the same for my wife and kids--regular angelic activities and appearances and visitations which ordinary people see so that they'd know that I am God's servant, regular supernatural happenings, signs and wonders, healing, and miracles, extraordinary operation of spiritual gifts, plus the secret things of God, plus many more--all for God's glory. Of course, radically anointed preaching.
Haha....more of what my heart desires...
God, I also pray and desire for genuine Jesus-discipleship. I want people who are really radical believers who'd die for you, undergo our Jesus-discipleship thoroughly, and I want people from Project 8 and Quezon City to start this, spreading throughout Metro Manila, and then the entire Philippines. Lord God of the harvest, I pray that you send them to me, just as the Father drew people to the Son. The Son never pursued people--people pursued him. I want the same, God!
Thank you, God, for giving me 2 faithful disciples, so far, along with their wives. Another couple is under observation spiritually, and a fourth couple looks promising, too. I want only those who'd be serious with You.
Last, I want you, God, to prosper all our small businesses. First, my blogs, then our network marketing business selling purple corn juice and organic fertilizers, then 2 more investments. And please bless the family worship and business centers concept you gave me, and may my mom's ancestral property be sold very soon so I and my wife can use the money for your Kingdom. Oh, I need to resign from my present work as training director so I can go full time with what you want me to do, God. The same for my wife--I want her out of that school so we can do what you want.
I'm so excited once those summer camps for out-of-school youths and other youths begin materializing, camps where they can meet you, Lord, and really surrender to you, and then build your kingdom and also become network marketers--for your kingdom too. And I really want to have campus ministries.
So help me God! These are what my heart desires.
