Sometimes God demolishes your testimony. I know how we all take care to have a good testimony that will "glorify God," that's how we say it, but in reality we keep a good testimony to be approved of men. When we get too concerned about keeping a good testimony, sometimes we end up glorifying ourselves through our own efforts.
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Now, let me get this clear. God aims to give you glory ("the glory which you gave me I have given them," John 17.22), so that God is glorified in you. If God is glorified in you, God will glorify you in Himself (because Jesus is in you) and will glorify you at once. This is the Kingdom principle behind it:
John 13.31-32: "Now the Son of Man is glorified and God is glorified in him. If God is glorified in him, God will glorify the Son in himself, and will glorify him at once.
But it all should derive from God's initiative and supernatural action on your life. Not your own efforts or goals. Thus, when you try to keep your testimony pure and acceptable to God and men, everything becomes human effort. Your righteouness is not by grace or imputed by God on you. It becomes by works of the flesh. You're back to man's religion. It's the Pharisaical spirit, holier-than-thou attitude.
Now, when you heed the call of the Holy Spirit for genuine holiness (and I mean genuine holiness), he starts with your life and character. He makes them genuinely the works of his hands, not yours. So he starts demolishing your testimony. He starts pulling out the weeds you (and the enemy) planted in your faith story--because we're all fond of doing it. We embellish our testimonies to make them more appealing and "spiritual," but a false representation of what God is doing in us.
This is how a genuine testimony wrought by God's hands looks like:
Psalm 40.3: He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.
Isaiah 61.3: ...and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
All the works of his hands, all his planting.
But if our testimony is artificial, arranged by us and by the worldly church we belong to, God tears it down completely. Man-made testimonies will not work. They may build huge denominations and mega-churches, but not the glorious church of Jesus Christ, without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. This is how God demolishes testimonies:
Job 5.18: "For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal."
Hosea 6.1: "Come, and let us return unto the Lord: for he hath torn, and he will heal us; he hath smitten, and he will bind us up."
Now watch this:
Lamentations 3:1-3: I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of the Lord’s wrath. 2 He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; 3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long.
Lamentations 3.28-30: Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. 29 Let him bury his ace in the dust—there may yet be hope. 30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace.
"Let him be filled with disgrace." There it is. The Lord intentionally exposes us to disgrace, specifically, to be filled with disgrace. Disgrace to the extreme. That will demolish your carefuly guarded testimony. Not through sins or wickedness but through bad publicity. The aim is to thoroughly humble us to the bones until self-pride and the ego is burned down.
Here's what God did to Paul:
2 Corinthians 6.4-10: As servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5 in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.
It's a Kingdom process of continuous testimony demolishing. We are clay pots that carry the glory of the Lord, and the breakable, fragile clay vessel shows that it's all God doing everything, not us.
2 Corinthians 4.7: But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
Hence, when you become really dead serious about holiness and revealing God's glory, the demolition work of the Holy Spirit happens everyday. You notice that instead of ministry and life successes, God begins to trim you down, what others see as "failures." You seem to be a failure, a loser, and the world soon despises you, including the worldly church. You start having humiliating life circumstances, shaming you to pieces beyond your control (because it is in His control), and you seem forced to make "wrong" and costly decisions.
Like when Hosea was instructed to marry a prostitute. Like when Ezekiel was made to cook his food on cow manure. Like when King Jehoshaphat prayed and publicly admitted that he didn't know what to do against a large enemy army. Like how Jeremiah suffered imprisonment. Like how Naomi suffered loss of her family and came back to Israel a loser. Like how Hannah was barren and was thought to be drunk when she prayed earnestly to God. Like how Job was considered a sinner just because of the tragedies that befell him. And last but not least, how Jesus opted to be born into a poor family and suffered a lot of mockery and persecutions.
Yes, testimony demolition is carrying your cross daily and following Jesus.
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