I want honesty. I'm tired of half truths and cosmetics and lies. Even churches are fond of covering up their problems and sins and applying cosmetics of self-tributes and propaganda and gimmicks and self congratulations.
I used to be part of all that. I was blind but now I see. I want to call black "black" and white "white." I want honest criticism, that which is based on nothing but Christ's standards. I want Christ values. And these are things I seldom see around. I even criticize myself often, even my love ones. Everything should be weighed and scrutinized...with honesty. If it's not Christ's then it should be trashed.
Having that standard has made my spiritual life 100 times stronger and better, but it also made me stupid in the eyes of most people, especially those respected in this world, even the worldly church. And I've been suffering for it, though not as much as believers who are persecuted in countries where the Gospel is forbidden. Most people around me look at me like I were a poor loser. But the wonder of it all is that, though these people hate me, they respect me. It's possible--people can respect and hate you at the same time.
Sometimes, I lose the Kingdom-life vision and get affected by how people rate me. That's when I hate life and ask what kind of life is this. But God snaps me awake again to his reality and I see it all again. Everything's in place again. That's also when I pursue honesty in weighing things and righteous judgment. Others think that this is being judgmental. I see it as using Christ's eyes to see things and people and using his standards. Of course, I always begin with myself and my family.
But you think that by doing this you get more blessed materially?
A lot of people think that getting blessed materially means you're finally doing things right with God. So, if you're not blessed financially, they think you're doing something wrong, and God is punishing you for it. It's the other way around most of the time, really. The more you obey God and do things right in his eyes, the more you appear poor in this world. The more you look poor in spirit. If you don't know the true workings of the Kingdom, you'd be fazed by the hardship and material lack (testings from God to purify the heart and faith like pure gold) and be misled to thinking, "What kind of life is this?"
In my case, when I lose sight of the Kingdom-life vision, that's when I hate life again. But God rescues me by waking me up from my stupor. I see what's really happening and I get re-routed to the right path. The detour may deduct from your spiritual power, but it's easy to recover once you're back on the right track. Do I love life when I realize what seems to be wrong with my life and see the Kingdom-life vision? No, I don't begin love my life. Instead, I understand what it is all about and love what God is doing with it.
It's not this life that I come to love but how God takes over it and turns it upside down for his purposes. Now, I don't claim to have perfected Kingdom-life vision or have mastered it; but I leave behind the trash in this world (which other people consider valuable and important) and go on to having God take over my life. And in this, honesty and righteousness in judgment is needed. I need to judge correctly using Christ's standards in the bible. If you do that, there's a lot of pain, and sometimes the pain gives life an ugly picture in other people's eyes. It's like you're being punished.
The Master did say, the false prophets were treated well by the world. They were loved by worldly people. True prophets are always treated degradingly. It's easy reading stuff like that in the bible--that God favors his prophetic people who do his strange Kingdom will on earth but who are persecuted by the religious--but when it's actually happening to you, you lose sight of everything and begin to wonder if God is punishing you and blessing religious people who love this world. They get more blessed each time and you get more pathetic looking because of the material lack.
But then, you remember how Jesus and John the baptizer looked like, and how the other true prophets lived in the Old Testament, and how Paul said that if we have food and clothing we should be content (he even said he learned how to be content in want and in abundance), then you get the whole picture again and go back walking in the right direction. Obeying God does entail prosperity, but not just prosperity. It always entails a balance of want and abundance just like Jesus and Paul had it in their lives.
With honesty I say that being poor in spirit is the main ingredient to walking a correct path in Christ. And in this is genuine prosperity both in heaven and on earth. Then you find contentment whether in want or abundance--though sometimes you tend to be overwhelmed, lose sight, and ask what kind of life is this.
